Dan at The Comedy Underground, Seattle

http://youtu.be/8ISRJlwot-4

Too Much Free Range Penis In The Locker Room

So, true story: About a week ago Mrs. Peterson and I went to the gym to work out, and as I walked into the locker room, among the usual fat, disgusting out of shape dudes with their latin weiners bouncing around, there was an unusually happy white dude standing in front of the mirror closest to the lockers I prefer. I like these lockers specifically because no one else likes to use them, thus less of these "types" I have to bump into. Well, anyway, this guy, mid 50s, was butt naked, with tennis shoes on, looking in the mirror with a very satisfied grin, staring at his butterball physique. He was fresh out of the shower, and applying some kind of something all over his shiny chest. Thats about all I needed to see, so I ran out, eyes on my shoes. We did about 20 mins of cardio, 45 mins of kettlebells, then a little stretchy-stretch, and headed for the locker rooms. By now, I just take it as a given I will have to run a dick gauntlet to get in and out of there, but this time, something caught my eye. Something I was not expecting to see. That guy was still there! Still naked! Still in front of my locker looking into that mirror! This is more than an HOUR later! What the fuck! Oh, yeah, and he was still wet, like he was fresh out of the shower, again. And... I know I did not see him in the gym. Someone, anyone, please explain this to me! Has he just been hanging out this whole god dammned time naked and showerering and showering and naked and rubbing god knows what into his oily chest???? Guess what? I DONT KNOW! Listen, if you are working out at any public gym, keep your cock to yourself, wear a fucking towel, and for god sakes, if hanging out in a gym taking showers and rubbing oily shit into your skin in front of a mirror is all you have left in this world, kill your self...please! Because I need to get to my locker and your wrinkled on dick is getting in my way.

Go skateboarding day.

One of my favorite days of the year, spent with one of my favorite wives.

Status?...Hero.

EWU 2011 Jibbin' Party!

We are doing it again this year, with a different set up with new features...SAT OCT 22

Here is a vid from 2009



Here is last years

Soap Lake Joke Of A Skatepark

... Wow, The city of Soap Lake could give a fuck...

Leavenworth Skate Park...

Stop tagging our park. I know a few of you out there personally that have tagged our park, and besides the fact than none of you have any artistic talent what so ever, you are also making it impossible to get the street section finished. The last time we painted over this crap we were told by the mayor of Leavenworth that if it stays clean then he would get the money approved for phase II, which is the street section. Well, that lasted about a week. So here we are again painting the bowl, and maybe just maybe if the douchebaggery is kept at bay, we might actually get a street section.

My Story About Wes

Untitled from Daniel on Vimeo.

Skills.

Snow Skate w/ Triple Base ! from Daniel on Vimeo.

Good!!! Fuck 'em!!

I hope they are being introduced to their cell blocks local friendly rapist

I do not trust the police. As I told my wife last night, Im willing to let them EARN my trust, but as a RULE, fuck 'em. Most cops are like most politicians: A general level of sociopathic tendencies drives their need to be in a powerful position. As a society we see it day in,day out, cops abusing their power, knowing they rarely have to answer to anyone. And if and when they do, its a slap on the wrist then back out in the world to continue where they left off. Who will protect us from the protectors? I dont know. I do know this: If you see a pig acting like an ass, call them out on it. In public, in front of people. Yeah, you are probably gonna get tazered, pepper sprayed, boot stomped and arrested (and possibly killed), but hopefully someone has their iphone out and gets it all on video. Dont mess with "knowing your rights", that will get you nowhere. Cops love it when you start spouting off with "I know my rights!!!" as they split your skull open with a night stick or the butt of their revolver. Dont go there. You have NO RIGHTS. You are only as strong as your willingness to take a few bumps. I have spent a few lazy nights in jail, its not too bad. But what it buys in the end is a spotlight on what fuck tards the thugs in blue are. Enjoy the rest of your day!!!

Holy Fuckin' Mosquitos!

There Are Already Too Many Kuntz In Politics...

Do we really need one more???

Wenatchee will always deliver the goods...

Who Needs Xanax...?...

When you have Pink Champagne in a CAN, it is IMPOSSIBLE to be depressed!

Drunken History With Duncan Trussel !

Duncan Trussel is one of my favorite comedians, his podcast is awesome, and as a fellow hallucinogenic cosmonaut, he speaks the language of the enlightened!

Drunk History vol. 6 w/ John C. Reilly & Crispin Glover from John C Reilly

S.K.A.T.E.E.E.E.E.E........

I LOVE it when a game of SKATE goes into overtime! This kid, Patrick, had every trick I didn't have, and I had the same shit goin'... so after I won by one letter, he wanted to keep going, so fuck it... there are no winners in skateboarding, just good ass people! BTW- how can someone driving a van like that not be rad!

Things Stoners Have Ruined...

1- Sublime
2- Tie Dye
3- Black light posters
4- Getting High
5- Reggae, and for that matter, dreadlocks
6- Playing frisbee ( why they turned into a golf game, we will never know)
7- Deep conversation ( Deep thoughts for a stoner are anything BUT deep)

There is plenty more, but I think the point has been made. Smoking weed should be like a vacation. Its like stoners are stuck in the Yin because they got too high to remember there is also a Yang.

Chinese Gravitas!

Coeur d'Alene Skate Park, Seshed. Ehhhh, kinda ok...

Pretty much the polar opposite of Sammamish.... cool people, shit show of a park. Not the kinda place you can just show up to and get it on... takes some feeling out and gotta chat up the locals a bit. Oh, and the flats are ASPHALT....!

Asshole Rattle Snake Tried To Bite Me!

On Fri, I was running down some rocks on a property in Leavenworth while on the phone with a guy I work with, when all of the sudden I hear the unmistakable sound of a buzz snake and before I know it POP! it hits me right in the leg! Fucker! I jumped, screamed like a girl into the phone, the guy on the other end in confused to say the least, as I explain loudly " holy fuck, that asshole rattler tried to bite me!.... I gotta go, Im gonna catch him!" I check my leg for vampire holes, found none, I guess he got me with a "dry bite", more of a warning than anything else, then I proceeded to grab him, take a few pics, threw him in the back of the truck and went on my merry way! I found the nearest house with a big truck that had a " how do you like your CHANGE now" anti- Obama sticker and threw him in their mail box!


Just kidding, but I'm not gonna lie, it did go through my mind! ( I let him go on a deserted road in the mountains)

Damn Hwy 2... Damn it to freakin' Hell!

i swear... every time im on stevens pass hwy, there is a wreck that creates a huge back up... grrrr.

Review: Sammamish skate park.... Cool park, lame people

So what is it with suburban stay at home moms and their larve camping out with the sippy cups, blankets and diapers,zipping around on scooters, tricycles and I shit you not, those stupid little wheelie shoes at a skate park ? I was one of two people with an actual skate board, and since we were out numbered by the Palin-loving mamma bears, we had to just stand around and wait to get a line, only to be cut off by a razor scooter being ridden by a 1 year old. Sammamish skate park gets high marks for being a fun park, but the people get a big F-you. Love, Daniel

Im some kind of super hero...maybe?

I was at a house today doing some work, and I have this terrible, super high pitch ringing in my ears, and it must have shown on my face, because the homeowner asked if I was alright, I said I was hearing this shit, she said she didnt hear anything, then she said wait a minute... she disappeared for a sec, then the noise stopped. She came back and asked if I still hear it. I said no. Then she tells me she has this contraption that was installed by her landscapers that puts out a "hyper sonic squeal" to keep rodents away... Humans are not supposed to hear it. She said she has had it a few years, and she or anyone else she knows can hear it. She said she thought it probably didnt even work... WTF!?

For "God's" Sake!

This is what living in the most repressed backwoods part of the NW is like...

An Oldie But a Goodie!! Me, Max and Peder!

An interview on the Bataleon "Rocker" by board Insiders shown on On-Snow.tv, I make a an appearence or two!

My Standup at Laugh's Comedy Spot, Kirkland WA

More retro media madness my beautiful bearded mug @ 1:13

Doin my Bataleon thang... a little retro SIA silliness

Her face says" I love working with children and shaping young minds." Her shirt says "call me later, Ill dance for you!"

Skatin's a bitch today

What is it about skating (and snowboardin' for that matter) where you learn a trick, have it locked like a porno cock for like 5 years then all the sudden, blammo... you lose it? Im no Christian Slater, but when I lock on a trick I expect to keep it... WTF?

Oh man... please watch this

Go Skate MFers!

I will be at lake Chelan, hope you are too!

Brocasting?

PLEASE HAVE A LOOK AT THIS AND DROP SOME NAMES OF PEOPLE YOU WANNA HEAR FROM! THANX!

Played a game of SKATE this morn a 9am, which is really a bit too early for such things, but at least the kid I was playing had heart. He was 22 and had not skated in a few years, said he was gonna suck but he played any way. After a couple trys, I could see he was starting to give up, so it turned into a bit of a private skate lesson, which was cool with me. I would describe him as a bit tubby, a ginger, and really awkard, but the dude started to land shit! I felt like a god. He was super stoked and was about to ask me out im sure of it, so i peaced the fuck outta there so I wouldnt have to see the sad look on his face when I would ultimately have to shoot him down. Dude on dude skate park romance will have to wait!

mic check